This funny story is partly autobiographical. Don’t take it too seriously. It’s humor.
Previous Chapter 3.
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My holy woman was going to come back from her mother in a few days. I had already worried about her return in advance. On the one hand, I was glad that such an intelligent well-read lady would return home soon. Besides I was going to present the apartment repair I had just done. I was proud of myself.
On the other hand, I was afraid of her return. I was getting used to the pleasant independent single life without her obsessive holiness. Well, I had a strong sense of pride in myself and a strange sense of persistent alienation from my obsessive holy woman at the same time. But still I continued to feel addiction to her bright charisma. That’s why I was a bit excited.
But I was tempted to hide inside, to lock the new tough safe door and to drop the falling heavy bolt. Let my holy woman sweep out with her everyday obsessiveness or let Her Holiness look for a grenade launcher for testing my door. So let us see who wins! That was such a foolish temptation…
When I was running out the apartment to the brothel on duty I slammed and banged the door like mad. It was just an accident because I was worried and excited. The heavy bolt inside fell down with a bang like a terrible thunderstorm was beginning. I thought, “OK, I’ve tested how the bolt works. Well, where is my grenade launcher?” I was alone and nobody could help me.
For solving this unexpected problem I went to an old man-neighbor who lived above me. He was a former electrician, but he was retired on pension because he was disabled by madness. Due to this disability he stayed at home all the time. I used to call at him just to chat and to drink straight cranberry alcohol. When he was drunk, he used to tell me very interesting things about women and electricity. Long ago he had hooked up live wires to his naked mistress, and it was a brilliant idea, as he used to tell. I thought this old fellow was an unrecognized genius. That’s why I decided that the old electrician could help me to open the door without using a grenade launcher.
The old fellow solved my problem brilliantly. He tied a wire to the belt of my jeans. Then he moved me down with this wire from the ninth floor window to the balcony roof on my eights floor. It was enough an exciting trip. And then as per usual the crazy old electrician went to drink straight cranberry alcohol.
It was a cold late autumn. It was late evening. Lights were not lit at our street. It was pouring with a shower. An inclined plastic roof of the balcony was slippery. The crazy old electrician tied the other end of the wire to a heating radiator under the window inside the room and swept out to drink straight cranberry alcohol. The balcony windows under me were glued with a special cover, which could withstand a pistol shot. There was no alternative. I began to disassemble the balcony roof, trying not to slip off and not to dive down from the height of the eighth floor.
I glanced down. Suddenly, I felt such a strong fear of heights, which I had never felt before. I realized that the most of all I wanted to climb up to drink straight cranberry alcohol. But I could not do it because the wire was thin and slippery.
I started screaming up for the old electrician. But he was boozy and gave no respond.
I started screaming down the street. But in those Dashing Nineties all cops were busy with catching criminals. No one arrived.
Then I started screaming sideways to any neighbors. But those Dashing Nineties were enough tough. Nobody gave any respond.
Well, I continued to disassemble the balcony roof. At that moment I posed as a tough guy who was just now saving the humanity.
When I was dropping in my apartment, suddenly I realized that I had already lost not only a fear of heights, but many other foolish fears. I had been so frightened before that I stopped being afraid of anything. It was a great revelation for me. I was meditating about it during a short period. Then I stopped working as a security guard in the illegal brothel. We parted with my holy woman. I passed exams and began learning psychology. Many years have passed. Now I work as a psychologist and teach people not to be afraid of changing their lives. But that’s another story…
Text and photo by Igor Shiryaevtweet
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The Internet mass media Different View. 23.05.2014