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Fear of Heights. Chapter 2.

This funny story is partly autobiographical. Don’t take it too seriously. It’s humor.

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Russia

The inscription on the pavement: “Hi, Chick!”

Besides being a successful security guard in the illegal brothel, I had a cruel tough hobby because I was truly a very tough guy. I was fond of martial arts.

My coach was even a tougher guy than me. He trained me individually with a full hard contact. Trainings took place indoors a kindergarten. It was the only place, which my coach had managed to rent on the basis of personal charm and informal arrangements with an old headmistress. The headmistress was over 50 and she was very excited when my coach and me were permanently shouting in Japanese during trainings. Maybe she wanted from the two young men not only money or no money… at that time I did not care about it.

When my coach taught me to endure the pain of strong hits, he used to beat me with a wooden mop for washing floors. Once he almost killed me with the mop. Then he tried to save my life. He did me an acupressure with using secret technologies, which monks of the Shaolin Monastery used to practice. Saving my life, my coach pushed together four cots in the kindergarten, undressed me completely to the naked body, laid across the cots and began rubbing me with smelly sunflower oil from the nearest grocery store. When I was absolutely in the nude, the fifty-year headmistress accidentally entered the room. Since then, she used often to drop in to look at our trainings.

I was linked with my woman with high spiritual relations. Earlier in the first days of living together she had declared me directly that she would never cook any food and she would never be a cheap whore because soon she would become a holy healer and she would treat people with touching. But at that time I liked that she was intelligent, well read, and everyone could see that I was not a young kid but I was an adult man, who had got his own woman.

After several years of living together my woman began often going out to her mother or anywhere else for several days or even weeks. By that time I had got used to her strange behavior, which she called a holy mission. She called herself Chosen by God. Though living with such a bright woman raised my self-esteem, I was a bit tired of here holiness. That’s why I was even glad when she swept herself away. By that time I had already become a real true tough guy and I could live alone independently. Everything was really very cool in my life.

Every three years, a truly adult man should change anything in his life, except his shorts and socks. Well, then I did a repair of my apartment with my own hands. Among other things I glassed the balcony and glued a special cover on window glasses. This cover could withstand a pistol shot. I tested it myself with shooting. Then I decided to install a front metal door instead of the wooden one. I wanted a tough safe door, like ones were in American bank depositaries, which I had seen before in porno movies in the video saloon. But I had actually less money than an American bank had. It was an unexpected problem and I did not know how to solve it.

(to be continued in Chapter 3)

Text and photo by Igor Shiryaev

Dear readers!

This article presents my personal view. I don’t pretend I tell you any kind of absolute objectivity.

I love Russia and I love Russians. My personal slogan is “I love! I know! I tell!”

I’m very sorry for my bad English. First of all I try to tell you about lovely Russia, about the Russian mind and way of thinking. I don’t pretend I speak correct and fluent English.

I can help you in any projects related to Russia in the fields of deep non-standard tourism and independent journalism. Also you can buy some my texts and photos. Contact me by e-mail: editor@diff-view.com if you want. Welcome to real Russia!

Yours sincerely
Igor Shiryaev

The Internet mass media Different View. 18.05.2014