This funny story is partly autobiographical. Don’t take it too seriously. It’s humor.
This article is the result of a project, which lasted for about ten years. Then in 2005 we bought something. It was a surprising car manufactured in Russia. It was an UAZ Patriot. It was really a crazy project!
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We were a family couple. We both were psychologists. We believed that a new car should run. But it was a Russian car. Maybe the manufacturer believed differently.
Why did we decide to buy this car? We both were grown-up children of Dashing Nineties in Russia. We dreamt of a big tough black car. To realize the reasons you should read my humor article Fear of Heights. The Dashing Nineties spirit would become clearer for you. Besides we both were crazy about off-road, picnics, and car sex etcetera. That time the UAZ manufacturer presented the new car UAZ Patriot. Well, we decided for buying.
Then in 2005 we bought an UAZ Patriot in Russian style. We grabbed all the amount of money in cash from the cupboard full of Vodka and glasses. My wife tried hiding this huge pack of cash in her panties thong. I put on the ferocious brutal appearance. Well, we started to a car dealer by Moscow underground.
That time the UAZ manufacturer had just started the new car UAZ Patriot. There were no cars on sale in Moscow; there were only test cars. A manager told us we should wait for about half a year. But we could not wait for such a long time. We were afraid of losing money because of government changes or our own boozing. Both options were real. That was why we addressed to an alternative trader.
The alternative trader was a Georgian. He told that we had the unique opportunity of buying an UAZ Patriot only tonight. The Georgian trader asseverated that the single new UAZ Patriot on sale had been intended for a very important person. But the Georgian was ready to give us the car with a little more charge secretly in the night darkness. That was his version. We agreed.
Well, we bought the new UAZ Patriot tonight. When we had already given the huge pack of cash to the Georgian he refused to open the gates and let us out. He told that we must drink a bottle of red wine in the honor of his lovely Georgia. We did it and left.
Do you know anything about Russian cars in general and about UAZ in particular? I am sure you know less than me. Listen to me!
Liquid flowed from everywhere. The most of nuts and bolts were not tightened. The Russian UAZ Patriot rode across a road like a brumby. The engine could not accelerate the car in the proper way but this engine consumed more than 20 liters per 100 km. And I was not sure if my new UAZ Patriot would arrive home that night. On my way home I began realizing that I was a fool. But a fool was a favorite character of Russian folk tales. Well, I decided to act as a lucky fool.
About ten years I have been driving the Russian UAZ Patriot. I know about this car almost all. I have been repairing it during the decade and more often than not it is something out of order in the car. I have spent on the Russian UAZ Patriot about three costs. It behaves on the road as a mad donkey. I am never sure if I arrive home today. Every day the UAZ Patriot continues drinking my blood and money.
But I love the Russian UAZ Patriot more then some living persons. It’s extremely tough and handsome. After the German Audi had stuck into my five millimeter steel bumper at great speed, I needed only a tiny aerosol can of paint unlike the Audi driver. When somebody does not observe traffic rules, I am not shaking with fear and tremble about my family. When the road is over, I do not care about it. The road lies there, where I want to drive. I continue enjoying off-road, picnics, and car sex etcetera. The Russian UAZ Patriot is like an old comrade-in-arms. It has a difficult character and bad behavior. But the Russian UAZ Patriot is a true friend and a tough guy.
Written by Igor Shiryaev. Taken pictures by Igor Shiryaev and Larisa Shiryaeva.tweet
This article presents my personal view. I don’t pretend I tell you any kind of absolute objectivity.
I love Russia and I love Russians. My personal slogan is “I love! I know! I tell!”
I’m very sorry for my bad English. First of all I try to tell you about lovely Russia, about the Russian mind and way of thinking. I don’t pretend I speak correct and fluent English.
I can help you in any projects related to Russia in the fields of deep non-standard tourism and independent journalism. Also you can buy some my texts and photos. Contact me by e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org if you want. Welcome to real Russia!
The Internet mass media Different View. 09.12.2014